BEST OF BULLDOG

Dear Scott Steiner...

Originally published April 24, 2012

In the grand tradition of advice columns from Vince Russo and The Iron Shiek, former WCW World Champion Scott Steiner is the latest sports entertainer to substitute for Canadian Bulldog, by providing his unique advice on every day problems:

Dear Scott Steiner:

 

I am a middle-management executive in my forties, trying to get ahead in my job. I've tried everything from outlining changes are company could make to volunteering for the assignments no one else wants to tackle, and yet none of it seems to be working.

What would you do in my situation?

 

Sincerely,
Looking For A Promotion

everyone knows this business is all bullshit and that erick bischoff is a coksukker. u need 2 tell that motherf*cker that if it weren't 4 u the ratings wuold be in the crapper

Dear Abby,

 

I have recently begun wearing a wig. At a social function a woman who was not a friend of mine approached me and asked if I was wearing a hairpiece. How could I respond to such a rude question without admitting that I am wearing a wig?

 

Hairless In New Hampshire

What the f*ck I m not Abdullah The Butcher! Do I look like I'm carrying a f*cking fork? Do I have a bunch of cuts all over my g***amn head? What is wrong w/you, u stupid jackass baby? And why would I give two shits about whether u have yr stupid hair or not?

 

Dear Scott Steiner,

 

Ever since we were young, I've never really gotten along with my sister. I figured it was because of our age difference (I'm six years older) and it was just a case of "girls being girls".

 

But ever since she came back from college last summer, she's acted completely indifferent to me. I'm wondering if I need to work harder at our relationship, or should I just accept that we'll never be besties?

Sister Without A Sister
 

u 2 should definitely just f*ck and get it over with already especially if u r as hot as i am thinkin u are. PS your sister is in college?? pls give her my number

Dear Scott Steiner,

 

My teenaged son does nothing put sit around all day and listen to his iPod in his room. He doesn't hang out with his friends, doesn't play sports, nothing.

 

While I get that he won't ever become as ripped as you are, at least he could get some fresh air and exercise. How would you facilitate that?

 

Concerned Parent

Yr son shuld get his ass kicked for being such a f*cking crybaby pantywaist. tell him ur going to send him 2 teh army if he doesnt get in 2 shape and then send his fruity ass to army anyways

 

Dear Scott Steiner,

 

I heard an expression at my Rotary Club, and just thought your readers would like to hear it, as it brightened my day: Old friends are like wine; they get better with age.

 

Sincerely,

Ambivalent in Arkansas

heres another expression 4 ya: Im gonna kick yr f*cking ass.

Dear Scott Steiner,

 

HELP! Because of some, let's say, "poor" fiscal decisions I've made over the years, I find myself deeper and deeper in debt. While I'm working on solving the problem, I'm wondering how much of this (if any) I should tell my landlord? I'm not sure how sympathetic he'll be to my situation... Perhaps it's an issue just best kept to myself for now?

 

Best,

Cash-strapped in Cleveland

Yea I really doubt u have made any physical decisions in yr life you fat pig bastard. U shuld get yr ass kicked for being such a f*cking crybaby lardass.

 

Dear Abby,

 

Wut the f*ck is yr f*cking problem, f*ck 4 brains? U have a problem, Ill kick yr ass so far up yr mouth itll shoot out of yr teeth, dickhead.

 

Name Goes Here

Dearest Name Goes Here,

 

I sympathize with your frustration, but you should be asking yourself 'why all the anger?'. What has caused it? Where is the anger coming from? What is it that we can do today to get you to a better place?

 

Sometimes anger builds up, and that's never healthy. Let's work on coming up with solutions that help you through this.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention: I am not actually the "Abby" you refer to in your correspondence. My name is Scott Steiner.

 

Best of luck going forward,
Scott

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