WCW Comic Book Issue # 7
When we last left off, Sting pinned Cactus Jack to win the WCW World Championship.... we think. It's kind of confusing because a masked newcomer called The Ghoul (a takeoff of The WCW Phantom) had captured the title in the previous issue, and wasn't referenced thereafter. Maybe he jumped to the WWF?
We begin this issue with a plus-sized Cactus Jack (Marvel liked to draw Mick Foley extra-meaty for some reason) leaping on top of Ron Simmons and squealing in delight.
Cactus Jack enjoys pain, announcers Jim Ross and Missy Hyatt explain to us, so he's having one hell of a time putting the boots to the future Faarooq in what is likely some sort of WCW Saturday Night taping from the Omni (they never admit as much, but you kind of figure...)
Much like the previous issue, this sequence appears to be driven by physicality rather than any sort of storyline. And yet, for such a "nothing" match, these two get page after page dedicated to their scuffle.
Simmons spears Cactus Back-fat so hard at one point, that the Lardcore Legend goes spilling into the front row, landing on a youngster who screams "Mommeeeee! Bad man! Bad man!," so we're left to guess that he's been scarred for life and/or squashed to death.
By the way.... has anyone else noticed that the artwork in this comic book is getting progressively worse? In the first couple of issues, some of the likenesses were amazing, and here, not so much. Also, where did the ring go in between pages?
It turns out, this match has become a Hardcore Match, years before that was really a thing.
Mick Fatley and Ron Simmons make their way into the arena and Simmons' head is smashed into a popcorn machine window and then he's assaulted with a canister of soda syrup.
While I definitely appreciate the effort that Marvel has put into this one, random match (did Cactus Jack and Ron Simmons ever feud in WCW?
I vaguely remember Foley forming a stable with The Barbarian and Butch Reed to do something like that, but it never quite panned out), it seems like such a waste, given that within just a few short pages, Dude Love Handles has found a different WCW star to have an issue with.
After the grudge match ends, up next is a squash match between Ravishing Rick Rude and some George The Animal Steele jabroni knockoff named Neanderthal Ned.
I never understood this comic's fascination with featuring top stars against DLs (designated losers). Sure, it happened all the time on television in the early 1990s, but you never would have a WWF Superstars comic about, say, Earthquake against Phil Apollo. Comic books are supposed to be about fantasy, guys!
Also? Here's how they drew Rude in a previous issue. Compare it to the picture on the right. Drop in quality much?
Back in the locker room, we are treated (?) to images of Chub-tus Jack taking a shower. He's approached by a mysterious figure that had appeared in a previous episode aligned with The Ghoul.
Straight out of central casting, buddy with the Dick Tracy villain hat and cigarette offers a sopping wet, hairy Mick Foley some of the money he owes him.
But in order to collect, he needs to interrupt Sting's interview and silence him with a "heavy-metal object" (Van Hammer?).
Don't get me wrong: I like the ideas of heels being paid off to do their dirty deeds. But wasn't Cactus being paid enough by WCW at the time that he didn't necessarily to live off an evildoer's cash payoff. After all, Mick was getting his paycheck from TBS, not TNA.
Back in the ring, Sting is being interviewed by Missy Hyatt on one of those WWF-style raised platforms, when all of a sudden he's attacked with a shovel by Snacktus Jack! Just as the generic villian proposed in the shower!
HungryMan-kind must have whacked Sting really hard; the blow was so overwhelming that it temporarily knocked the facial hair off of his own face (compare the first and last panels of this page, kids - would it have really been so difficult to give him a full goatee for continuity's sake?).
Speaking of kids, they continue to be scarred by the maniacal actions of Food Love. Won't somebody think of the children? Thick Foley beats up The Stinger so badly, that he apparently has a concussion now. Obviously this was before the Wellness Policy.
The cover of this comic book promised us "the most unexpected ending you will ever read!" and here it is:
Backstage, a concussed (or stoned) Stinger is trying to remember who he is. The generic villian is backstage to convince Sting that he's the only person he can trust. And he introduces Sting to his "oldest and dearest friend..... THE GHOUL!"
What will become of The Stinger?