GIANT TALKING

MACHO MAN!

This particular item was given to me by my grandparents a good 20 years ago, probably just before WCW went belly up and stores still sold gigantic oversized wrestling toys. At the time, I definitely didn't appreciate it for what it was, but have since made one of the top treasures in my ridiculously-oversized wrestling merchandise collection.

As you can see, this Savage figure is, like, three times the size of most others in my collection. Here, the Macho Man is pressing Bill Goldberg: PENCIL SHREDDER above his head like a sack of potatoes.

 

Everything about this incarnation of Randy Savage is huge, including his veiny arms, biceps and legs.  

 

Standing at an impressive 12" (the LJN figures WWF put out in the 80's were maybe 8" by comparison) , Savage looks as though he could crush you into small pieces if you just happen to look at him the wrong way. DIG IT!

If you take a closer look at Randy's midsection, you'll notice that there are some impressive pieces of technology under the hood.

 

For example, if you look right above Mach's belt buckle, you'll notice a square button that barks out catchphrases on demand (well, it used to... the batteries in my figure have since joined Randy in wrestler heaven). 

 

On the right hand side is a discreetly-hidden speaker so that you can hear all of the Macho King's favorite phrases. And on the left side, the thing that looks kind of like a light bulb? It's a sensor that.... TALKS TO OTHER WRESTLING FIGURES!!!

I kid you not! There was apparently an entire line of WCW "Tuff Talkers" figures that would start talking smack at each other whenever the sensors went off.  Other characters in the collection included Sting, Kevin Nash, Konnan, Buff Bagwell, Scott Steiner, Diamond Dallas Page and Bill Goldberg.

 

But the beautiful part is, the figures would talk SPECIFICALLY to whomever was in their sights. So if Savage saw, say, Steiner, he'd say "I'm gonna tear you limb from limb, Scott Steiner!". To which Steiner would probably spew something that no one could understand.

Now.... I realize it would have been amazing to have an opponent for Savage, because they could have trash-talked the shit out of each other. I wouldn't have even had to do the work! I feel as though, by the end of their conversation, Savage and his opponent would be breaking the fourth wall and blaming Vince Russo for everything.

 

But alas, I only had Macho Man in my pitiful little collection. How was I supposed to snap into a Slim Jim if there no one else to play along?

Thankfully, Savage lots to say, even when he wasn't booked and was just kind of staring across the room at me. He'd always open with "I'm the Macho Man -- Oooooh yeah!" , his teeth chattering and mouth moving up and down every time he'd begin to speak.

 

Other cool facets of the figure were, if you moved his arm or leg after pressing the square button, he'd shout out in pain and say something like "Feel the power of my right arm!"  -- which no wrestler would ever say. Like, ever. 

 

If you pressed down on his head, he'd feel that, too and make a grunting noise. And if you were man enough to drop the Macho King and get him on his back, a referee would begin counting until you reached a count of three, at which time the bell would ring and Savage would menacingly growl "You'll never beat me.... AGAIN!"

 

Sometimes for fun, I would wrestle Giant Talking Macho Man on my own, and have him kick out at the count of two repeatedly. Kind of like with John Cena, only more believable. Other times I'd have him kick my then-three year old son in the back until he fought back by swatting the figure away (Titus O' Neil doesn't have to worry about me challenging him for "Father of the Year" any time soon....)

This may have been one of the most interesting and fun wrestling toys I ever owned, and happy to say I still have it today. Now if only I could find a way for him to face off against Giant Talking K-Dawg....

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