BEST OF BULLDOG

Cobb County, Georgia Trying To Rehabilitate Image After Whole 'Hard Time' Thing

Originally published January 11, 2011

(Cobb County, GA) - The Cobb County Chamber of Commerce has launched a new marketing campaign, trying to change its image as a place where you get beaten over the head with a nightstick for the most minor of traffic offenses.

 

"Well, if you ever take a trip down to Cobb County, Georgia," began Cobb County Mayor Hubert Fluzzle. "You'd better read the signs, respect the law and order."

 

"But that's merely a suggestion!" he added.

 

Instead of being beaten within half an inch of your life, handcuffed to a dimly-lit cell, and having a ball and chain dropped on your chest, speeding generally carries a $40 fine, explained Fluzzle.

 

"It's all because of that damned Big Boss Man!" the mayor said, referring to the late World Wrestling Entertainment competitor who once worked in Cobb County as a prison guard. "Because of him and his stupid Rick Derringer-produced theme song, everyone knows about our backwards law-enforcement practices."

 

That said, Mayor Fluzzle explained to Breaking News that the county has improved greatly since the turbulent 1990s. In addition to fewer jailhouse beatings, the most of violent of criminals and often patted on the back or have their hair tousled when something is wrong.

 

"Tourists love visiting our fair county, and we welcome everyone," gushed Mayor Fluzzle. "Although you might want to stay away the week of the 27th, because that's when Nailz has his parole hearing."

 

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