BRISTLEMANIA!
John Cleana vs. CM Plaque
My parents recently bought me a pair of "WWE Brush Buddies" brand toothbrushes, thinking that I wouldn't know what the hell to write about them. They were wrong.
Michael Canal: Welcome, everyone, to BristleMania - The Showcase Of The Immolars!
John Bridgework Layfield: Brace yourself, Mi-chael! We're getting ready for the main extraction here - John Cleana versus CM Plaque. This should be one hell of a check-up for both men!
Booker Teeth: You damn skippy, hippy! This match has the potential to be my Shucky Ducky Plaque Quack of the week.
Michael Canal: Wow - we're not even six sentences into this column and there's already been one repetition of a pun. Canadian Bulldog certainly has his work cut out for him.
John Bridgework Layfield: True. Hopefully his writing doesn't decay.
Michael Canal: Coming down to the ring first is the Brace of the Braceless, CM Plaque. And he sure looks Cankery tonight!
Booker Teeth: That's right, dawg. You never know when Plaque is gonna drop one of his infamous Bite Bombs!
John Bridgework Layfield: If Plaque doesn't get what he wants, I could totally see him taking his bond and going home. Either that or competing in the UFC (Ultimate Flossing Championship), Mi-chael!
Michael Canal: Here comes John Cleana!
Booker Teeth: The Chomp.... is.... here!
John Bridgework Layfield: John Cleana operates under the mantra of Brush-le, Oral-ty and Rinse-spect. He never clasps down and he will never spit!
Michael Canal: How many of these puns have we got left? STAY TUNED!
Michael Canal: As we get set here, John Cleana is flexing his bicuspids, while CM Plaque is making small circles around his opponent.
Booker Teeth: Hold up - who's that gumming down to ringside?
Michael Canal: That's.... R-Tooth! What's he doing here?!?
Booker Teeth: And he's followed to the ring by El Tartarito!
John Bridgework Layfield: And look - here comes Kane!
Michael Canal and Booker Teeth: ......
John Bridgework Layfield: .... who used to compete as Isaac Yankem, DDS!
Michael Canal: John Cleana has gotten to the root of the problem, drilling everyone with his patented Five-Brushle Shuffle! Referee has no choice but to stop this match. It was getting a little long in the tooth anyways....
Booker Teeth: That's a shame, dawg. I really hope that there are no hard fillings.
John Bridgework Layfield: Oh, for the love of.... enough with the puns! You wouldn't have heard stuff like this back in the day on Monday Nitrous Oxide!
Booker Teeth: Maybe so, but they used to do it all the time on TNA Implant.
Michael Canal: Hopefully, we can one day wash the taste of this from our mouths. Thank you for bracing with us and watching BristleMania!