That Time In 1988 I Created A Wrestling Magazine
1988 was the year that I first published anything about wrestling. Dubbed "(My Last Name) Wrestling Publications" (leaving out my real last name here for anonymity's sake), the magazine was for a high school English project. From what I recall, the project actually received an A+.
Let's see if my teacher was insane or what.
The magazine (which apparently cost $2.50 on newsstands and $3 in Canada - despite originating from Canada), was more or less a collection of photocopied pictures cut and pasted on a piece of connected printer paper, accented by yellow highlighter for some reason.
As we can see by the Table of Contents, the publication was extremely WWF-centric, namely because I don't think I'd actually seen more than a few NWA or AWA matches by this point in my career as a wrestling mark.
The cover story in this month's issue of (My Last Name) Wrestling Publications was on Hacksaw Jim Duggan, who had recently begun feuding with Andre The Giant in the aftermath of WrestleMania IV.
While it was definitely a memorable feud, I'm not sure it warranted a cover story for a one-off publication. Beyond a run on the house show circuit and possibly being on opposite sides at the following year's SummerSlam six-man tag, the Andre vs. Duggan issue wasn't exactly a hot watercooler topic.
Also? I love how I totally made up a quote from Andre The Giant (a look of "dismay"?):
"Cross-eyed Duggan," he snarls with a look of dismay on his humongous face. "You woek a sleeping giant, and now Andre is madder than ever!"
Another article analyzed how WWF Tag Team Champions "The" Demolition might fare against some of their toughest competition, which, according to me, included The Young Stallions, The Killer Bees, former champions Strike Force and yes, even The Islanders. I'm not sure where I dug up the dirt on this unique competition, but hey, photocopied pictures with yellow highlighter don't lie.
The only fact a young Canadian Bulldog was certain of was that The Bolsheviks (Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zhukov) would "never win the championship". This was due to their standings in a ratings system I made up, and not because they absolutely sucked
And speaking of ratings systems, here's ours. I was determined to show those fatcats who put together the ratings for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and the like that there had to be a better way.
For example, instead of automatically naming the Intercontinental Champion as the top contender to the WWF World Championship (because how often did such title for title matches take place back then?), I listed both champions and then the top contenders underneath.
And instead of a mere top 10, I insisted on a Top 15 (which would lead me to writing a slew ofTop 50 lists several years down the road).
And of course, what wrestling magazine would be complete without POETRY? Yes, that's right - I decided to construct a poem based on the top feuds in the WWF at the time (or at least, the ones WWF wanted to us to think were top feuds; I can't recall JYD and Outlaw Ron Bass doing great box office).
Here's an excerpt of my Poffo-like creation:
Jake The Snake Roberts and Ravishing Rick Rude
Are in a big free-for-all war
When Rude tried to kiss Jake The Snake's wife
Jake made sure the Rude'd feel sore.
Never mind that "The Rude'd" isn't an actual thing and likely a typo.... even without that bold literary choice, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
And finally - my stupid mark magazine ends with an editorial asking the question that had been on everyone's mind: "Topic: Is Hulkamania Finally Over?"
This was shortly after The Hulkster had lost the strap on national television and (judging by the ratings) another top babyface had claimed the belt in the form of Randy Savage. So it was perfectly logical for me to assume that Hogan may no longer be relevant after his four year run at the top.
Thankfully (as my scathing editorial concluded), Hulkamania was NOT over.
But my days as a powerful wrestling magazine mogul certainly were.