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BEST OF BULLDOG

Schoolteacher Returns Six Weeks After Retirement Under Mask

Originally published October 3, 2006

The Educator.png

Above: Retired schoolteacher Jerry MacDonald (left); newcomer The Educator (right).

(Saddle Brook, NJ) - The sudden appearance of a new, masked schoolteacher here at Pleasantvale High School has students and faculty wondering whether his true identity is that of a teacher that retired just six weeks earlier.

The Educator, who appears similar in size and stature to former instructor Jerry MacDonald, also teaches mathematics and geometry classes, which were the same subjects his predecessor taught. The two teachers' voices are remarkably similar as well.

"He walks like MacDonald, he talks like MacDonald, he teaches like MacDonald," fumed Pleasantvale Vice-Principal Ed Greenwood. "That's because he IS MacDonald, damn it!"

MacDonald, who was forced into retirement at age 65 a month and a half ago, claims he's not The Educator, although many of his former colleagues remain skeptical.

"A few weeks before he was set to retire, I walked into the teachers' lounge and overheard Jerry muttering something about getting revenge," said history teacher Nancy Merriman. "Plus he kept laughing maniacally during his retirement lunch, as if the school system hadn't seen the last of him or something."

There have been other subtle clues as well. On Monday, The Educator kept 14-year-old Janey Evans after class and threatened to hold her back again this year if she didn't follow along with the textbook.

"What does he mean by 'again'?" questioned Evans. "Come to think of it, how does he even know my name?"

Also, The Educator's compass and protractor set has the name "J. MacDonald" inscribed in permanent marker across the top of it, according to eyewitness accounts.

In response to the allegations, Vice-Principal Greenwood has offered a bounty of $15,000 to any teacher, student or PTA member that can successfully prove that MacDonald and The Educator are one and the same.

"Someone take the money!" growled Greenwood, holding open a lunchbox full of $500 bills. "I don't care who takes it; I just need someone to show me what everyone in the world already knows: The Educator is a fraud!"

Instead of someone unmasking him, however, sources expect school board Superintendent Max Graham to reinstate MacDonald, at which point The Educator will return to his previous job: a substitute teacher over at Parts Unknown Elementary.

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