BEST OF BULLDOG

Mick Foley Urges Nation To Recycle Flaming Barbed-Wire Baseball Bats
Originally published July 1, 2008

Mick Foley

(Washington, DC) - Hardcore Legend and best-selling author Mick Foley made an impassioned plea to Congress today to encourage the recycling of flaming barbed-wire baseball bats.

"By recycling just one ton of flaming barbed-wire baseball bats each year, this nation could save 17 trees; 1.2 cubic yards of chicken wire; 3,780 barbs; and 7.5 gross kilowatts of fire," Foley said in a prepared statement to the House of Representatives.

Most people, particularly in the Philadelphia area, tend to toss out their flaming barbed-wire baseball bats in the trash after each individual use. However, by storing the foreign object under the ring or in one's shopping cart full of plunder, it can be re-used several more times.

"Plus, shots from a recycled flaming barbed-wire baseball bat slide much easier across the skull than they do from a brand new flaming barbed-wire baseball bat, inflicting fewer wounds," Foley said, adding "BANG BANG!" for additional effect.

Even if you intend on using a flaming barbed-wire baseball just once -- such as in a Hell In A Cell or streetfight situation -- disassembling the weapon is much better on the environment, Foley explained.

"It's really simple to do, too," the former 3-time World Champion said. "All you do is douse the fire with water, unravel the strands of barbed wire from the bat, rinse out the bits of human flesh and plasma trapped between the barbs, and you instantly have a perfectly-good baseball bat. Or even a barbed-wire baseball bat of the non-flaming variety."

Congress said they will look into the matter further once they've passed legislation for an environmentally-friendly process to dispose of brass knux.

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